Sunday, January 23, 2011

Same-Sex Parenting - (from the expert)

You knew it was coming.  That obligatory blog post on why same-sex parents are better than any other brand of parent.  It was going to be good - but then I started writing it.

Typing the words 'same-sex parent' even seems odd to me.  Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we fit into that category.  We live in Portland.  It's not unusual- even though we are the only same-sex parents in Caden's current classroom.   Did you see the 'Modern Family' episode where Cam and Mitchell were applying to a preschool for their daughter and thought they were shoo-ins because the school would definitely want their 'diversity'?  That could have been us.  We are same-sex parents of a multi-racial child.  We thought we would play that card while we have it.  (we did - but don't think the school cared - as they shouldn't have.)

As far as I can tell, parenting is parenting.  Caden has only known his parents as two men.  When I've heard other kids ask him where his 'mom' is - he responds simply, 'I have two dads'.  No hesitation for him - it's just what it is.  The other kids seem to accept his response also with the same lack of expression.  I find that the people making the biggest fuss over same-sex parenting are not exposed on a regular basis to same-sex parent families.  I can give you all the cliche' answers about how we have the same joys, heartache, trials and tribulations as all other families - but you probably know that.  In case you don't - read the above sentence again.

Right now Caden seems to be a healthy and happy 5 year old who loves skiing and soccer and loves to say that his new puppy is his little sister.  His future will definitely be affected to a large degree by a combination of our strengths and weaknesses as parents. (we hope we will have a majority of strengths.)  We'll have to ask him in later years if he thought it was a pro or con to be raised by two dads.  I can only assume that he will look at us and say, 'that's a stupid question'.  Asking myself if I thought being raised by a father and mother was a pro or con brings the same response.  It's all I knew.  How could I have known anything else?

The fact is I don't know if we are better or worse parents because of our sexuality.  I do know that we are better parents than those people who made their son hide in the house while they made the country think he was in that balloon in the sky (or whatever it was) last year.  Thank goodness they weren't gay.

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